i'm not really sure i know who I am these days. I have gotten so caught up in everything that I'm doing that I don't even know what I like any more. when you look around my room, the school books take over the majority of the room, and clothes take over the rest. but in my one corner I have all my yarn in a box calling my name. piled in another area is a stack a foot high of photography books and DVD's i need to go through.
my life consists of work, school work, driving, and running around doing things I don't really want to do. when i got my car, i was excited thinking i could meet friends for dinner, go sit at a coffee shop and write, go shopping when I want to, and visit family or friends when I'm lonely. But now every where I go and everything i do is merely because its something to check off in my planner. None of it is because I want to. i mean yes, tomorrow dinner with matt, i want to do that, but again its just slipping it into my tight schedule.
i'm aching for a bit more freedom. but not freedom to do all those boring things. freedom to just rest, or get a text from a friend and meet her for coffee. or write in my journal, or knit a scarf, or watch a movie with my family.
I'm not really sure who i am, or why i'm here anymore. I'm incredibly self serving and it's driving me crazy.
i never rest, and that too, is driving me crazy.
goodnight.